One of my least favorite questions is "Why are you still single?"
I feel the need to answer it with this modesty of "Ummmm, I don't know" - twirl my hair, look completely stumped, and stare off thoughtfully into the distance. Or perhaps say completely cliche things like "I've been so busy" or "I haven't met anyone really great yet," etc.
But now I know. I know exactly why I am single and I fully intend to boldly say this next time someone asks me.
It's because men are ridiculous. It's not me, it's them. All of them. Even the good/nice/kind/Christian/smart/rich ones. They're all ridiculous.
I had a second date last night with J the tall guy. Super nice guy who loves Jesus and is an excellent conversationalist. And he's very verbal and on both dates told me multiple things he liked about me, but in this really kind and cool sort of way that was genuine and open.
Last night went well...good date, nice guy, opened car doors, paid for dinner, we laughed a lot, prayed before dinner, talked openly about life, etc. And I left thinking it went well, the verdict is still out on some things (just not 100% about romantic chemistry or life-style) but so up for another date to learn more about him. There's good stuff there.
Then he called me 5 minutes after we parted ways and wanted a chance to communicate something on his mind.
Oh great, here we go...
He essentially was trying to do the right thing and said that he thought I was awesome and loved my company and wouldn't change a thing about me or the night. BUT...he's not at a point where he feels like he can be all in and not date anyone else.
[in my head] yes, that makes sense...we've had two short, casual dates...
And I listened for a long time to hear him out. And I was on the same page with him in every way. And I told him that I completely agreed and was dating other people. I reminded him that it takes a long to get to know another "stranger" and we've probably only spent 5 hours together, so there's clearly a lot to learn.
As the conversation went on, I started to actually feel a tad yucky about it. And I think he sensed it and sort of apologized if it made me feel shi&*y. I don't know how to explain it and it wasn't that I felt rejected or dismissed, but his open approach to "I still want to see what is out there" made me a feel a little undervalued and it took away what we had on our date and made it feel like a comparison of sorts. And I'm not judging his desire to date around, because quite frankly, I'm dating others and not convinced of anyone right now. But somehow hearing his thought-process wasn't quite right. I think he needed to have that conversation with a friend and just process how he was feeling/thinking. He simply could have asked me out again for another date in a week or so and we could have planned something easy and that would have insinuated a casual, but intentional, approach to dating and learning about each other.
I told him that I wasn't feeling as good about the conversation as it continued and was on the verge of saying, "It was so great meeting you, but let's not date." My interest dwindled quickly. And not just because he wanted to date others but because I got an insight to how he processes and thinks and I don't know if I loooooved it. I'm not up for that kind of energy 5 hours into knowing someone. So he said we should end the conversation and he'll call me in the next day or two and we can finish talking. Sigh. Fine. And then we hung up after some pleasantries of appreciate our evening together, etc.
See, I told you I was single because men are ridiculous.
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